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Back From The Looking Glass, by Steve Cooper, Kim Cooper
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Back From the Looking Glass tells the real life story of how the author, Kim Cooper, transformed her bad marriage even after numerous professionals advised her it was hopeless.
Written as a step-by-step guide for anyone in a troubled marriage or relationship, Kim shares 13 steps that ended the fighting and abuse and rebuilt love and respect in her family’s home.
After her husband Steve was assessed as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Kim was told he would never stop lying and would never have empathy for herself or their kids. Shocked by the lack of sympathy or helpful advice offered by various marriage experts Kim refused to give up hope.
Instead she went to work researching relationship advice from various other fields of expertise including business management, parent training psychology, and Emotional Intelligence training / social sciences, learning skills to manage Steve’s difficult behavior without focusing on the necessity of divorce.
Through learning these new skills Kim also discovered that her own previous patterns of behavior had been dysfunctional and counterproductive and had played into Steve’s narcissism, often causing the conflict in their home to spiral downward.
“When you are in a bad marriage people say “Just Leave” as if that is something easy to do and will magically solve all of your problems. But I think most people say this because really they donʼt understand the situation or have any answers. Leaving isn't the solution people pretend it to be. Whether a couple stay together or not, whatʼs most important is that a person who feels abused learns new skills to manage and resolve the conflict.”
Back From the Looking Glass offers a welcome new approach to relationship conflict that has helped thousands of couples restore balance and sanity to their home life, while turning standard marriage counseling advice on its head.
Unlike other books on this topic that only teach people to leave / avoid / manage people with narcissistic tendencies, for nearly 6 years Kim and Steve Cooper have been successfully teaching people how to tame them.
“You won’t stop attracting predators in your life by running away or learning how to accommodate yourself to other peopleʼs bad behavior. If you really want the exploitation and abuse to end you are going to have to stop acting like prey.”
Where other writers and professionals often encourage people in bad marriages to manage their victim-hood - Kim and Steve encourage people to become their own hero, teaching skills that will stop them being a victim and in the process transform all of the relationships in their life.
“Abuse is a system dysfunction, so if one person changes the rules - the dysfunction cannot continue.”
If a person is feeling put upon, manipulated and exploited in their marriage, they need to understand their own role in this ʻtangoʼ and learn new ways of understanding and regulating their emotions and emotional responses or else they will continue being victimized even after their marriage has failed.
Narcissism is easy to see in others but very hard to see in ourselves. Because of this it is important we learn healthy habits to make sure that the problems we are experiencing don’t follow us out the door.
Back From the Looking Glass is not a book about psychology. It is a step by step guide to taking your power back in a way that will earn the respect of your family and community.
- Sales Rank: #104129 in eBooks
- Published on: 2012-12-17
- Released on: 2012-12-17
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
"Kim's advice in this book matches my 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist.
In contrast to much of the misleading information on the internet that confuses the narcissist with a sociopath, Kim gives clear advice that offers realistic help and hope for people who struggle with narcissism in their relationships.
Kim is right in her assertion that narcissism is created from attachment wounds and can be healed within the context of a healing relationship that allows healthy dependency and good boundaries.
I am so grateful to have found Kim and I constantly refer my clients to her resources!"
--- Lisa Charlebois, Author of You Might Be a Narcissist If...
"Sometimes it takes insight from outside of the "professional" ivory tower to provide a new approach.� Kim and Steve Cooper have done just this ... their newly released book Back From The Looking Glass, which has been evolving for over 5 years in the online arena, offers a novel approach to working through the dynamics in difficult relationships.
Kim and Steve's ideas, presented in a concise, easy to read style, provide the building blocks for this personal growth.� Despite years of training and clinical experience, I still find new insight or re-framing of something when I turn back to their materials.� Their insight and honesty provide a valuable tool to anyone wishing to improve their relationships through improving themselves."
--- Maria F. Rodowski� MD, Associate Medical Director, Value Options Maryland, Past Faculty and Medical/Clinical Director, Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Division, Johns Hopkins Medical Institutes
From the Author
“Steve and I wanted to help other families in the same situations we had been, but stepping out and no longer feeling ashamed of what we had lived through was challenging. Some people disagree with our ideas, but they haven't lived through what we have.
I saved my marriage after I was told point blank that this was not possible and I was a fool to continue trying. I want to give hope to those who know in their heart that there is a solution.
Those who, like me, son't want to accept divorce as the only solution, nor give up on their happily-ever-after”
—Kim Cooper
From the Inside Flap
"You are quite simply the most incredible inspiration in my life ..."
-- Elsie��
"May God bless YOU... your efforts ... and your results ..."
"Thank for all your hard work.....putting this information out.....and getting in print. I am learning a great deal from your efforts....and when I "apply it" in my life....it's working incredibly!!
�At times I get a little "lost"...but through your books, shared experiences and recommended reading/listening...all of these things are helping me to find my way back so that I can gain control of my life. It's creating an new awareness and providing me with the tools for learning "Emotional Intelligence". SSeeing my world from a new angle...and Loving it!! Feeling like I'm a success...not a failure.�Can't thank you enough!!�
May God Bless YOU...your efforts....and your results...."--Annie
�
"Kim and Steven's work is fantastic and life changing. Even if a marriage still fails, it will fail more gently than what happens currently ...�
As a Health and Safety Practitioner, I feel that my opinion on preventing one of the leading causes of death amongst women in our society, at their own hand or during a row with their husband/partner�is absolutely essential. Dysfunctional relationships caused or exacerbated by narcissism are a leading cause of misery in society today, and are linked with emotional immaturity on both sides of the male female connection.
We owe it to the next generation, now that we have so much more knowledge, to put this wisdom to work.
I ended up leaving my narcissistic husband in 1997, putting my children through a great deal of pain, because I didn't have the benefit Kim and Stevens materials. With that help, I may have been able to save our marriage. We tried the usual interventions, but the marriage guidance counsellors had no idea what was going on and told me that my only choice was to end the marriage to save my own sanity.�
Please allow this brilliant work to be made available to more women, to prevent the misery of divorce for their children, and the cost to the family and society in general.
Whatever we are doing isn't working at the moment, Kim and Stevens work is fantastic and life changing. Even if a marriage still fails, it will fail more gently than what happens currently." �
Simone Plaut MSc CMIOSH
Most helpful customer reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Your Relationship Bible
By calabria69
Kim and Steve Cooper really are an inspiration and amazing couple. All of Kim and Steves material is very easy to read, and makes perfect sense. I have paid for various kinds of therapy in the past and never really got to the nuts and bolts of my issues. Kim and Steves ebooks and informative website helped me identify myself as a codependent which has finally set me free on why I think I am so kind and thoughtful yet cannot form lasting loving relationsips. I have done a lot of research on Narcisstic Personality Disorder, there is a lot of BAD advice out there, where as tiny changes I have made to my own behavoir has paid dividends after reading Back From the Looking Glass. If there is abuse in a relationship everyone and his wife will tell you to leave,and keep your children away, this is not the right thing to do. As Kim says, work on yourself, 1 step at a time, keep your kids safe, love them, set boundaries, and see the results. If you are a victim (like me), you play a part in the abusive cycle, recognise it, address it and your life will change.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
This Book Can Change Your Life
By Shira
After reading Back From The Looking Glass on my Kindle I realized just how many things I can work on my end to improve and sustain better and healthier relationships. I can only imagine the incredible benefit this book brings to those involved with a narcissistic partner.
I especially like Kim Cooper's writing tone, there is no judgement or "teaching", just a heart to heart on how she went against all professional advice and you might say against all odds and came up with a system that really works to heal and retain NPD relationships and broken communications rather than go down the divorce route.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Simple but Effective
By Pattie
I purchased an ebook of this from the writers website, [...]. I read a lot on their website and blog before deciding to make the purchase but I'm very glad I did. I also purchased "10 Steps to Overcoming Codependence". I had no idea my fiance suffered from narcissism (possibly NPD) and that I suffered from codependency but then after reading through the symptoms things started to click. So I panicked and bought the books and then things started to change. After reading the book and doing what it asked, even just small steps, things started to change drastically. It's been 3 weeks since I bought the book and everything feels so much better. The first week was very tough. My fiance learned about narcissism and felt like I was right, he had very narcissistic tendencies, bordering on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The first week was full of upset and disbelief that we were really this couple with these problems. After accepting and acting on what the book said to do, things started to get better, not even slowly, quickly! My fiance acts different around me, his friends, his work, and towards himself. His fantasy life of video games and books have went to a minimum if at all. He spends more time working on his personality (doing meditation techniques with me), his fitness, and his social life. We are more active in the community, we are eliminating the bad friends and nurturing friendships with the good, and we spend more time with our dog and together just enjoying our own company. I stopped nagging him about his career and his schooling and now he takes actions on his own. He know's I'm here for him and I will help him through each step. It was really about forgetting the past, forgetting the future, and thinking about now. What goals and dreams do we have together? Separately? And what are the steps to reach those dreams? And then taking one step at a time rather than thinking about the whole picture. It's amazing. I highly recommend this book and I'm so thankful for Kim and Steve for giving hope on a disorder people normally run and hide from. It may not work for everyone, but it worked for me so far :)
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